read my mind

My Internet wasn't working from the 1st till now, but I had stuff to write. So I saved it in a text file. Here it is.

2nd March 2006, Thursday

Was absolutely flabbergasted when the woman sitting next to me on the MRT decided to take out her pastry and start eating. Never have I seen anyone eating outright the way this woman was, and she was just going at it. Okay, not exactly going at it, but who eats on the MRT?! I think she noticed the sideward glances I was giving her, but she probably didn't really care.

At this point I realised I was thirsty, so I took out my water-bottle and began to drink. Apparently she must have taken this as a sign on my part that I thought it was alright to eat and drink on the MRT, because she next took out a small carton of chocolate milk and opened it! As she drank, I could smell the faint scent of the chocolate milk. Imagine what she would have done if my stomach had chosen to growl at that very moment. And this woman was a working woman, not a schoolgirl or some auntie who couldn't read the notices pasted on the MRT. Goodness.

I began to think of a lot of things I could have said to her. Unfortunately for me, I was born with something that a lot of others don't have: empathy. Therefore, I could not stop feeling a sense of guilt as my mind ran through the nasty things I thought of saying to her. I began to think: what if she's really hungry? What if she has gastric? What if she hasn't eaten for sometime already?

I'm just wondering, do these thoughts ever cross the average person's mind? Or is it just me that's just nicer than average? Heh. Lots of people have told me that I'm a really nice person, that they can almost see the halo floating above my head. Is this true?

4th March 2006, Saturday

Was walking home from my haircut when this Chinese woman stopped me, asking to borrow some money to buy some food, and said that she would pay it back the next day. When I said that I hadn't any money on me (which was true, you know how it is in the week just before payday), she asked if I could withdraw some money using my ATM card. Well, the truth was that of course my bank hadn't any money either. When I told her so, she turned without saying a word and walked away.

Later, Howe Yuan told me that his estate had been visited by a Chinese mother-and-daughter pair who were going around asking for money. He was pretty sure that the woman I had met was one of the pair. I'm not so sure, but it's possible I guess.

This incident reminded me of another similar one which happened to me last year when I was walking down Orchard Road. A rather young lady asked me to give her some money so that she and her family could eat. At first, I heard her ask for $8, but when I took out my $10 note saying I didn't have change, she 'corrected' me, saying that she really needed $18. In the end, I gave her the $10.

The two incidents left me feeling bad about myself. When I gave the money, I felt stupid and foolish. When I hadn't given the money, I felt a little guilty. What should I learn from this?

posted by Ryan at 1:28:00 pm